took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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