Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
