My sheets look like a crime scene.
I don't think brook has ever known best
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
