If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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