either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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