She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
There was a lot of him and a little penis
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Randomize
