i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
