yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
