I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
