Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
