some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
