I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
