Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
