just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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