we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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