4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
