apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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