I want to walk on stilts...naked
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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