Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize