how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
