I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
