I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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