i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
My life is pants optional.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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