you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i already hear my dad disowning me
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
