Farmville is her only friend.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
