I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
