I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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