bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
