Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
