Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
