I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
