You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
