I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
