Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
