Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
