1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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