She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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