dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
