Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
