I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So many bounce houses so little time
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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