I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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