It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
