So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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