his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
