I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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