Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
