On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
