You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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