god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
