stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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