I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
