I just pynch a tree in the face
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
