put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
