You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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