1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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