Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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