Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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