watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
