Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
When are your genitals available?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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