I'm lost and stupid without you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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