A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
