Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
