I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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