remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
