Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
