Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
