Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
