How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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