I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
