I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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