Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
