im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
