Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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