i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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