sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
