census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
