508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
