it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
