I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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