Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
She bit a glass in half.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
