i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
This can only be settled by a dance off.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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