operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
