What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
