He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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