He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
