Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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