Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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