I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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