remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
