I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
