I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
