We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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