After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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