and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize