i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
