Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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