I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
