Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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