Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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