This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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